Soliloquy

I sit down at my laptop and outline my thoughts as I battle the voice inside my head:

I started my blog with Introductions First back in December of 2019 and said that 2020 was the year that I was going to put everything on cruise control. I look at my keyboard and find myself standing at the rails of some global, scenic observation point. I look around at the world, wondering which episode of the Twilight Zone I’m going to be in this week. Each one of my days begin with a new sunrise. Everything is in black, white, and grays. Rod Serling is at the foot of my bed, scissoring a cigarette between his fingers and verbally teasing me about what I am going to encounter in this episode. My mind leaves my body, or maybe my body leaves my mind, so it doesn’t have to wither away without actually existing first.

Hey! You! Don’t shake the dust off yet! There’s still more ground to cover. You’ve always told yourself, ‘which boat knows the way the wind blows? The one that never drops her sails’.

My memories, the good ones, the nostalgic ones, the ones that I choose to remember and not erase, take me to distant galaxies that are void of the noise and clutter of today’s world. I remember the days of being a kid and looking forward to three o clock on Friday school days. I remember waking up on Saturday mornings and my biggest decision of the day was which cereal I wanted for breakfast. I remember my dad having endless outdoor projects to fill my free time with. I remember my mom making me and my sister go to church every Sunday. I remember the imaginative giddiness of Christmas Eve nights leading into Christmas mornings. I remember very little but so much at the same time.

Hey! You! Don’t lose that sense of nostalgia quite yet. We have lightyears of memories left to store and share. You’ve always told yourself, ‘rear view mirrors are attached to the windshield, not the other way around’.

At the hitching post of my personal galaxy, the place where my soul goes to ponder, nobody is around for miles. The wind blows through the canyons and valleys and grazes the mountaintops. The wind speeds across the earth, pushes the waves of the ocean, and makes them curl with foamy white thunder. When the invisible gusts hit my body, it carries with it the scent of balsam fir and salty coconuts. Even though it would take one’s body hours to carry its soul from one of these places to the other, my soul carries my body to these places in nanoseconds if I close my eyes hard enough. The only catch is when I open my sky blue orbs, I wonder where my feet will truly be.

Hey! You! Never be afraid of self discovery and chasing the stuff that true dreams are made of. The only way to feel the breeze is to step away from the crowd and hang out on the end of the limb alone. The branch is only going to be as strong as your trunk – your inner core. You’ve always told yourself, ‘pioneers and prophets had to wander first before they found their true destination’. Keep exploring, you!

If I keep looking left to right to right to left at a busy intersection, while shopping in a store, while scanning a menu, or while doing whatever I am doing, I get nauseous. I feel the changes in Earth’s gravity. If I keep scrolling and scrolling and scrolling on different social feeds, I start to feel like human livestock. The information overload makes my eyes and brain hurt. If I’m in a crowded room and people slowly increase the noise of their conversations and laughter so they can be heard above everyone else, I begin to wonder who would configure such an aggravating program. I find myself searching for my observation point. My familiar hitching post. I wait for that familiar breeze to rasp its fingers around my body. My body temperature lowers. I put on my sunglasses. I slowly grin.

Hey! You! It’s okay to be in this world and not of it. It’s okay to enjoy planet Earth. You are here for a reason, right? All of us are, and what defines us is how we use our time. Some people produce. Some people consume. The timeless ones are the ones who can consume and produce at the same time. You’ve always told yourself, ‘the best treasure chests are the ones that are the hardest to find’.

So here I am. There are so many things that I am ing’ing right now. The list could go on for miles. I am hoping. Wondering. Wishing. Dreaming. Feeling. Laughing. Praying. Crying. Thinking. Absorbing. Procrastinating. Determining. Loving. Debating. Holding. Caring. Projecting. The gerunds of life transform and ‘ing themselves into the far future. The verbal nouns roll around on the top of my tongue and awaken my palate. The present participles turn everything around me into a giant, floppy pancake, a pancake that is waiting to be covered in butter and syrup. Waiting. That’s all I’m doing, like the rest of the world. Waiting!

Hey! You! It’s okay to wait. It’s okay to hope. It’s okay to wonder. It’s okay to wish. It’s okay to dream. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to laugh. It’s okay to pray. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to think. It’s okay to love. It’s okay to care. It’s okay to get frustrated. It’s okay to pound your fists on the ground. It’s okay to be you and feel the way you feel as long as it is justified. You’ve always told yourself, ‘words rely more on us than we do on them. Use each one to their greatest extent’. So far so good, right?

You tell me!

Keep typing, son. Keep typing, daughter. Keep typing, father. Keep typing, mother. Keep typing, boy. Keep typing, girl. Keep typing, writers of the world. The sentences of today are the paged highways of tomorrow. Some roads will be traveled. Others will not. We are paving the world one word at a time. ‘We are going to the edge and back, one word at a time’. Make sure the asphalt can withstand the test of time as well as the outdoor elements.

If it does not, then was it all in vain?

Hey! You! Do you feel that?

Feel what?

The breeze!

The breeze?

Yes! The breeze, my constant soliloquy! Do not drop your sails just yet. The compass may be broken but the stars still hang above your head, waiting for the sun to set. You know the way! Push forward, weary soul!

Hey! You! Wait now! I thought I was controlling this dialogue!

But you are! You have been doing so all along.

Thank you for your time : Feel free to like, comment, or share in your own way : All are welcome

* Want to listen to me talk to myself even more and since I'm willing to admit it - click this link to a previous post titled, Do You Talk to Yourself * : https://vernonwrites.com/2020/04/02/do-you-talk-to-yourself/