My dear, little future ghost,
I could feel it creeping up on me...
not the death thing - per se,
but the things I could not change and had to let go as my soul gave its final nod.
...
And it is a strange feeling as this happens,
right,
lil ghost?
To those of us that are aware...
*Mandela Effect*
aware of the timeline where we already do not exist and must do everything we can in this one to leave remnants behind for those that are going to miss us after our future ghost comes for us,
or,
at least,
that is what mine told me.
...
What has yours told you?
...
And I begin to think,
how many times have we honestly switched timelines in our life,
once in the past month, (if you have not already noticed).
*Mandela Effect*
...
oh well, we think,
right?
...
My little future ghost,
thank you for being brutally and truthfully honest with me, all of the time, regardless of circumstance, regardless of whether it would hurt me or not...
thank you for telling me that there are going to be some people who miss me - and to not let the devil convince me otherwise.
...
And, yes, there are going to be those people who wished they would have treated me better.
And, yes, there are going to be those people that I wished I would have treated better.
And, yes, Lord, there are going to be those that grin at my demise, and that is okay because there is a good chance somebody will grin at theirs too.
And then, yes, there are going to be those that isolate from time to time, think back over the memories they have with me, and get emotional when the moment hits right - no matter how long I have been gone.
...
..
.
And then,
for some stupid reason,
or maybe for some reason I cannot understand in this current timeline -
Mr. Future Ghost,
I wonder,
I honestly, honestly wonder,
if all of this is in vain...
like life, in general, you know...
like the little things I do, to make sure the voids in this world do not crack open too much, is pointless, because who is going to notice anyway and who honestly cares...
like I could really be sleeping more - playing more - doing nothing more, me knowing that I do what I do because there will be plenty of time for sleep in the near future - if that near future is not already now.
...
And when this personal evacuation happens,
if it has not already and we are just not aware because of this simulated purgatory we call 'Earth',
I wonder what the people will honestly and wholeheartedly do when they forget you when you were already not recognized in the first place.
...when you were already not noticed..
...because who is caretaking the caretakers?
...
And we do this to others, my little future ghost, day after day after day.
...
un-notice things that were or are meant to be seen.
...
People want, want, want from me, from you, but are hesitant to give back, even just a smidge, due to the selfishness they have conditioned themselves to be and are fine with maintaining daily.
Or, instead of treating everyone like they are already invisible, just simply asking a person if they are 'okay' from time to time or telling them they are 'lovely' in whatever they are doing and not in a 'fresh' way but in a way that makes them feel like they are seen and special and secure in that compliment.
...
And these people are in our life, already, and they care about us without question and we just neglect them because our lives are so busy that we think we do not have enough time in the day when all we need to admit is that we are lazy, egotistical creatures who are only worried about ourselves and the fleeting moments we are in.
...
well, maybe not all of us...
...
Then, we forget, don't we,
lil ghost.
Then, life tarries on.
Time continues to click by and be stolen by others.
Then - out of nowhere.
..
POOF!
GONE!
Like, FOREVER!
..
or at least we think, right?
..
*Mandela Effect*
..
Enter the future ghost - the ghost I have always summoned, constantly, on days that were not always easy - the ghost I searched for when I quietly said to my coworkers before clocking out for the day,
"I think I'm going to drive my truck off a bridge on the way home,"
them agreeing with that statement about their own self and their future ghost,
then I, you, me instantly think of a better line - more morbid than the one before it - and you kind of mean it when you say it, unknown to them, but then again you do not mean it because there are some pros to sticking around for a little longer in this simulation,
"I think I'm going to strap myself in explosives then drive my truck off a bridge then hit the detonation button just before I hit the ground - just to cheat death with another death..."
...
..
.
And then, my present self sits here and tries to make sense of this mess we call 'life', and someone looks at me with the bluest of blues or brownest of browns or greenest of greens and says - the kind of colors that I know I am going to swim through as my soul finally evacuates,
"I'm glad you're here..."
and their eyes light up when they say it - they shine brighter than the morning sun and not dim like mine, aged - seasoned, me sometimes faking the glimmer that used to be there but isn't but still, kind of, sort of, is - if I dig it out for people to experience or if I choose to pretend hard enough or I just simply do it because this is how I need to be anyway.
...
Then,
my precious future ghost,
I feel it,
and it brings me back...
...the energy that certain people have inside their soul and you can feel it when you hug or talk or text them or just simply be near them -
you,
you,
you,
you - you can just feel it...
you feel... life... in a lifeless world...
and it feels like everything around you stops - like it should...
and we constantly ignore it when it happens in the now - cheapening it,
and we typically forget it exists like it does... ...until our clocks finally stop ticking as our dying soul finally exits our body and embraces our future ghost,
us and it finally becoming one as nature, somewhat, intended.
...
A foreshadow's foreshadowing foreshadow.
...
In this exchange,
a future ghost sheds a tear.
My future ghost's ghost, me, sees it.
In this private exchange of power,
I understand almost everything...
physically.
emotionally.
spiritually.
...
And in this, I feel... complete...
and,
I do something I should have done a long time ago...
..
I finally let go.
There is something changing inside of me -
maybe inside of you.
...
I look around.
...
Everyone is wandering around,
aimlessly,
no direction,
just wherever their phone or next trend or news headline leads them.
...
*mandela effect*
...
I am tired.
Everyone is tired.
I long to rest or at least try.
Then comes the sleep.
...
is it 3 a.m. yet?
...
The world remains restless.
I wake up.
The world remains even more restless.
I am not confused, but I am.
The world is confused but pretends it is not.
I float around looking for my place, and, then - it hits me.
...
No matter where I go -
all the graveyards look the same.
The ones with the headstones and the ones without.
...
Monday through Sunday, every parking spot that you see and has a car in it, whether there is one person in the vehicle or ten - each one of those passengers has a future ghost waiting to meet them and interact with them and grow closer to them until 'that time' comes...
...
..
.
wait!
what?
You caught me talking to myself...
sure,
if that is what you want to think...
but the real question is not 'what'...
it is 'who'...
...
..
.
But,
my lovable future ghost,
not everything about being a present ghost in this life is bad,
oh, no, no, no,
and if this post leads you to believe that,
then,
okay.
I kind of do not care...
...
But,
first,
listen,
then judge, like always.
...
In this life, we float around.
*mandela effect*.
We appear to those that need us in the moment so they can talk to us.
We still appear to those that only want us in the moment of their undoing, but the distance begins to grow between us and them, and our appearances out of nowhere start to become fewer and fewer.
We begin to forget we even exist until they show us that we really do, so we do what we do best.
We float around... some more... and wait... somewhat patiently... to finally... disappear...
...
all games over...
...
*mandela effect*
...
And this change, this revelation, this epiphany, of when you realize of what is truly going on and how quickly all of it is about to end and the time for preparations is now - all hands on deck - because, well, think about it...
all the bodies - boxed, buried, crammed inside this tired planet...
all the bodies - burned, churned, urned, scattered across the tired surface of this worn out planet - one day, there being more ash than sand by the sea...
all the future bodies - waiting, knowing that, before long, they will be shooting our dead carcasses into outer space, fake or not, or into the ocean (how many miles deep is the deepest part again?) for burial, and we return to the stars or the watery depth from whence we came, fake or not...
...
future ghost,
please tell me you have a sense of humor,
regardless of what this topic entails...
...
And time ticks,
and we ignore it,
willingly.
And we float around and keep waiting instead of moving on and finally doing what we should have done a long time ago.
Why we wait so long to even do it - even I have no clue.
...
And I'm not talking about dying or wanting to die...
...
I'm talking about finally learning how to live,
with and without.
...
Even if the time we have for now is just for a 'little bit'.
You know when you start to feel it?
As a future ghost?
...
I'll tell you.
And mark my words,
if you care about your sanity,
if you somewhat care about your soul,
if you care about your posterity...
...
if you care to see how people truly treat one another, much less you...
...
Because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, right?
but,
what happens when that birthday rolls around,
and that epiphany starts knocking,
that lingering thought in the back of your head that slowly makes its way to the front,
and you realize the most real realization of any realists' realisms,
and,
you acknowledge the thought that, statistically, you have more time behind you than you do ahead of you,
if any of us are psychic enough to know (and there is not) how much time any of us has remaining anyway -
...
and to think of those that thought they would live longer than they did,
and those whose time was cut short -
...
look at where you stand at your next birthday,
you future ghost, you,
when you realize that most people do not love you like you should be loved,
same principle applying to how you treat others and those you think are in your circle,
hopefully,
but,
future ghost,
the time ahead,
the time behind,
the time now - most important of all,
trickling by,
running by,
barely standing still,
never to regain,
the drain,
the lack of,
the sleep that needs to be slept,
but,
instead,
a vision of a time no more,
and you waking up with sore jaws because you forgot to wear your night guard for your subconscious clenching because the pull of the gravity from this world to the next, from this timeline to the other, is that hard on your body...
every...
single...
night...
...
..
.
my dear future ghost,
me,
an apparition to most even when I am alive,
where do you think the others stand on that scale when they compare how much time is behind them as compared to the time ahead.
...
..
.
You feel that feeling yet?
...
*mAnDeLa EfFect*
...
You feel that 'creeping' tether that sits at your waist but you do not realize is there until you jump or move out of 'place'...
...
..
.
My dear future ghost,
how great does it finally feel to not have to pretend to not being invisible anymore?
...
..
.
My dear future ghost,
how great does it finally feel to not have to wake up to an alarm clock every single day of your life and do things that you do not want to do?
...
..
.
My dear future ghost,
how does it feel to finally know if there is a God or not?
...
..
.
My dear future ghost,
how does it feel for things not to feel so 'fake' anymore - like you are finally living in the realest of reals?
...
..
.
My dear future ghost,
is there anything you wish you could do like me or does that go against how this relationship is really supposed to work?
...
..
.
And,
if I'm to be honest,
*mAnDeLa EfFeCt*
there is a little 'scare' still left in it,
isn't there,
my brave, little, future ghost?
..
Inside that thought of being no more and seeing what is behind the veil, finally...
..
No chatter.
No noise.
No more people.
No more surprises.
No more breakdowns.
No more disappointments.
No more agendas.
No more control.
No more questions.
No more answers.
No more struggle.
No more strife.
No more cycles.
No more patterns.
No more money.
No more stereotypes.
No more rage.
No more screens.
No more fake news.
No more lies.
No more truths.
No more texts or waiting for responses.
No more spam.
No more 'running yourself ragged'.
No more social anything's.
No more gaslighting.
No more pleasing.
No more desires.
No more getting put off until tomorrow.
No more wants.
No more needs.
No more angst.
No more wars - personal and global.
No more chocolate covered creme puffs.
No more beauty, as we know it.
No more wear and tear,
then,
I hear the puff of wind shoot past me,
cold,
the graze of something invisible,
the hairs on my arm stand up,
my future ghost pops out of nowhere and jets past me,
and I look at him like he is crazy,
and he simply looks at me with those big black circle eyes and jokes with one word because he has my sense of humor too.
He looks at me, grins, lights another cigarette, and says - not shouts,
'BOO!'
I shake my head.
He chuckles and finishes his improv.
'Trick or treat!'
The timeline you are in when you finally accept this -
the future ghost of you,
..
and you stare into its void and wonder how you are one with it -
the future ghost of you,
..
and you reach out and finally touch it, only to realize what the World has been hiding from you - the future ghost of you,
..
your future ghost waiting for you in its time,
you dreaming of your future ghost in your time,
both times being merged in this acceptance...
irreversible.
..
*MANDELA EFFECT*
The change.
..
The boredom,
not of the unknown,
but of what you already know,
and in this struggle - there is no peace,
even though people pretend there is.
And people,
wandering about,
as you see them from day to day,
bluetooth robots,
artificially generated,
organically inorganic...
...
but not you and your new best friend - your future ghost.
...
And,
and,
and,
just think of the spectacle of it,
your future ghost on its timeline right now - thinking about you,
and here you sit in your timeline - thinking about your future ghost,
and where those two energies meet in the far reaching points of this hitching post we call life - there is unseen, universal magic,
but not the kind you want to learn and perform for others.
...
There is hope,
and zero of it is false.
There is love,
and it is very, very tough,
and rightfully so.
There are dreams made entirely out of cotton candy.
There is design, and it is fully functional.
There is creation,
and,
finally,
for once in a very long time,
it is perfect and not flawed.
...
*MANDELA EFFECT*
...
In that moment,
when future ghost meets present you,
and whether that meeting is for three seconds or an eternity,
the magic in that moment,
infinite,
beyond beyond,
and you can share it with others,
but how can they fully understand your future ghost if they can barely understand you, much less their own future ghost.
...
The ones before.
The ones after.
The ones in between.
...
My future ghost,
who I absolutely did not fear in my younger years,
thank you for letting me haunt this Earth for as long as I have,
by myself,
when I was barely at the point of making long lasting core memories - nothing distant,
with dreams of summers off from school,
endless waves,
good looking girls,
cool drinks,
and moments that still linger nostalgia.
My future ghost,
who I met and dodged after my not so younger years,
thank you for leaving your timeline and putting me back into mine,
together - a friend unlike any other,
good memories slowly overwhelmed by bad ones - everything close proximity with slight doses of redemption and high doses of regret,
with constant visions of a better tomorrow,
an easier life,
and,
still,
good looking young ladies (well, most of them),
even colder drinks and maybe a little something extra,
and decisions you wish you could erase or at least redo if you had the ability.
*MANDELA EFFECT*
My future ghost,
who I talk to, now, on a regular basis,
a friend that I know I will meet, again, sooner than later,
thank you for not treating me like some of the people I currently know,
and thank you for being real with me - no back burner friend here,
the memories of the things unseen overwhelming me the more I imagine them - when everything evaporates and gravity is finally lifted,
with an eternal rest on the brain - I take my last *sigh*,
it flashes before my eyes - a life - good and bad,
and,
of course,
all the good looking people with souls so bright and a moment you had put off until...
the ticks and tocks become slower...
..
slower...
.
slower...
.
barely, still...
until...
that last, final breath...
hey...
lil future ghost...
I know...
...
it is going to be a somewhat sad day...
...
but thank you.
...
for being a vessel that took away the pain...
the resentment...
the regrets...
the wasted time...
the wasted faces...
the unseen places...
the doubt...
the undying courage...
the stubbornness...
the things said...
the things unsaid...
the imperfect perfections
the dreams chased...
all of the unknowns...
the tired preservation...
the irony...
the hope - God please land me where Hope is finally, finally, irrelevant...
everything that makes everything 'everything'...
...
*MAndELa EFfeCt*
...
and my lil future ghost,
when your finger rubs my cheek -
the tear that builds in the corners of these exhausted eyes,
it is not for you,
but,
instead,
it is for them,
cause they will never know what some of them meant to me -
in whatever moment -
in whatever timeline -
the people who I connected with and shared my soul with -
...
dear lil, white sheet, black circle eyed future ghost,
when you come for me -
and the consuming frigid that covers my body as they stand around me and try to fan their flaming fires toward me but to no avail -
my best friend - my one and only future ghost,
let these people know that I love them,
and I enjoyed my time or times with them,
and I would not change any of it for anything in this world,
and when we were in the moment or moments we were in -
my non creepy future ghost,
let these people know that time stood still for me and nothing compares to those moments with them and let them know that they will always be universally special and I want them to believe it and let them know everything will be okay in the end, I think, and that every second I spent with them - I put most of my heart into each and every encounter I had with them because the moment for me was that sincere and special and if they ever felt contrary to that then I wish we could go back in time and undo that sensation that should not be there in the first place.
...
..
.
My non Halloween future ghost,
when my final day approaches,
take me when I am my strongest,
not my weakest,
because,
when I stare you down for the last time,
I am going to want to fight you to stay here with the only loves I have ever felt,
flawed or not,
and,
well,
it is the last great standoff,
Mexican or not.
High noon.
High midnight.
Or any time in between.
I think I will be ready for you...
...
And we have been Fight Club'bing it for quite some time now,
so,
it is only fitting,
my friend...
..
*MAndELa EFfeCt*
..
And this life,
well,
it is all just a backdrop for some forgotten, repeated Wild West movie anyway,
all of us venturing through some foreign aesthetic desert,
alone,
on horseback,
trying to survive another night underneath the stars,
fire crackling,
wanting to catch some shut eye,
a coyote howls,
your eyes remain shut as you reach for your sidearm to make sure you left it where you thought you did.
...
And you have.
...
You slowly drift back to where you were just at.
Then,
the sun peaks.
Later,
the sun sets.
The lone cowboy ventures on.
The only thing on his mind is water, food, and how much ammo he has left before he makes it to his next town.
...
The coyote howls again.
The cowboy hears it and knows it is getting closer.
...
*maNDelA efFEcT*
...
The cowboy looks around and cannot see anything for miles.
He thinks, there is nothing to be afraid of...
...
Oh, my long-suffering warrior of the wild, Wild West,
if that was ever the truth...
...
..
.
Another precious future ghost that will never want to be until,
he,
finally,
realizes,
that,
one,
universal,
realization...
...
there will be time for rest later.
...
But now,
my best friend future ghost,
for just a little while longer,
we must ride, partner.
...
..
.
And ride together, we will.
...
..
.
Enjoy some of these previous “I am Vernon’s” posts.
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