Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda?

Could, Would, or Should You…

Kiss on a first date,

Smile at a turn-on,

Make the first move,

Be the first one to call or text,

- (it was at this point in the blog that the writer decided to go off kilter because he was simply tired of the mundane, ordinary thoughts and wanted to wander outside the box and challenge the reader with the ‘Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda’) -

Set the cruise control for twelve miles an hour over the speed limit while highway or interstate driving,

Walk barefooted on someone else's bathroom floor,

Have unprotected, two hour sex in someone else's personal or guest bed,

Put your mouth on someone else's trumpet,

Use someone else's razor on your face or genitalia,

Vote against your political party's platform if the occasion calls for it,

Walk around without wiping after a Number Two,

Be nice when it's so much easier to be shrewd,

Be shrewd when it's so much easier to simply ignore the problem,

Smell your fingers after you trim your toe nails and peel off the debris,

Put the toilet paper in the holder to where you have to pull under rather than over,

Eat grapes that are in your grocery cart because you feel like a momentary gangster and so they weigh less when you check out,

Wait too long at a yellow light so the person behind you has to sit through the red light,

Throw a snooty child a snarky look while their parents aren’t looking,

Pee in the shower,

Flick off bad drivers while driving the interstates,

Think about how to execute a perfectly planned heist on an armored car when passing by one,

Lie about someone else's cooking,

Lie about your significant's appearance,

Lie about your personal stats,

Not drink a canned soda behind someone else because they left too much backwash around the brim,

Use expired ingredients because you do not feel like going to the grocery store,

Exaggerate the truth on a resume,

Push your personal "Destroy the World" button over one thousand times by 'whatever' point in time of your life,

Reverently snicker when a nemesis in your life finally passes away and you no longer have to deal with them,

Tear up if you sit around and start thinking about your own life too much,

Call and cuss out your internet provider if the service goes out for eight minutes,

Give your boss the middle finger after they get out of your line of sight,

Scratch your scrotum if no one is looking or, if you're scrotumless by design, pull and tug your feminine snag with pleasure when everyone's back is turned,

Let out a silent fart in a crowd,

Let out a dragon killer and pretend to be appalled when everyone around you starts to complain about the smell,

Spit bubblegum out in a crowded parking lot,

Pee'd on a toilet seat that was down or, if you cannot pee standing up, never took time to flush because you were in a rush,

Rub your fingers like a credit card in between the creases of where your legs meet your torso after a long sweaty day and let your nose take a gander,

Look in the toilet bowl after an in-depth session to see what all the noise was about,

Sit and hover over all that 'noise' for more than thirty minutes while looking at Reels or TikTok's,

Record someone in public without them knowing,

Break in a line if it seems too long for your liking,

Re-gift something to someone else that you know will never cross paths with the person that gave you the gift in the first place then, when the initial giver asks you how you are liking the gift, you lie and act like you love it,

Join a cause and advertise it then instantly regret it as soon as the subliminal negatives start coming to the surface,

Smoke drugs or pop a pill from a stranger,

Complain about a hair in your food, knowing it’s yours, so you can eat for free,

Mentally and imaginatively execute extreme prejudice on someone you totally dislike and not think twice about smiling if your thoughts came to fruition,

Moon someone else (whatever happened to mooning other people - I kind of miss this dying art form),

Call in sick on a Friday or a Monday, but you're not really sick, you're just hung over,

Cuss at someone on the television or the radio as though they can hear you,

Tell someone you are changing in the room with that you are not looking but take a quick peek and cannot undue it,

Take a deuce while someone else is in the bathroom and play it off like it's no big deal,

Crop dust an entire aisle at whatever store and have no remorse,

Cheat on a multiple choice test and take credit for the high score when you are complimented for studying,

Keep money after seeing someone drop it in plain sight,

Not alert a co-worker that they are getting axed before the bossman actually did it,

Keep good news from someone just because you could,

Pass another car when there is a solid line,

Let someone have the last word in a text message argument because it's all pointless anyway but type a single letter without hitting send so they have to stare at *dot dot dots* for days on end,

Tell someone you love them and half heartedly mean it,

Tell someone you love them and mean it unconditionally,

Stalk someone on social media then judge someone else when they mention about them doing the same exact thing,

Pick your nose in someone else’s house and flick it onto the floor or into some other disclosed location,

Give someone the opposite, more accurate advice you would personally give yourself,

Open someone else’s medicine cabinet without consent,

Floss your teeth, come across some food you ate two days prior, and re-eat the snickety snack you stumbled across by surprise by tonguing it off that slippery tightrope with pinpoint precision,

Spit from the top of a tall building,

Gossip about a brother or sister in Christ after church dismissed,

Smell the armpits of a shirt that’s been sitting in the laundry basket that you want to pull out and wear,

and this list goes on and on and on,

into eternity,

So I ask you -

“Could you, Would you, or Should You?”

Thank goodness I have done none of the above!

Thank goodness we are all innocent!

2 blogs away from hitting the big 100 - strong and entertaining reads spanning over three years…

Thank you so much for reading from time to time. 

2 Replies to “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda?”

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