Kiss and Tell

(a making-out-with-life experience)

Does a cactus 
in the desert 
worry about rain?

Can you miss
something that you
have never seen 
or someone you 
have never met?

Have you ever
seen a starving
buzzard not capable
of flying high
in the sky?

Are you burning
your candle at
both ends or 
does one wick 
suffice your needs?
Three wicks, you
say? I say
sounds like a
party to me!

Did you know
that a man 
invented the tampon,
even though Egyptian
women were using
papyrus plugs as 
early as the 
15th Century, BCE. 
I know! Ouch!
*knee caps close
as camera slowly 
pans out and
fades to black*

Does your ego
worry about making
a fool out
of your self
or did it 
win when you
finally broke character?

Why fall apart
when, for once,
you could finally
fall together whole?

Why do we
kick over ant
hills when we 
cannot keep our 
own four corners 
together in shoeless 
peace and unity?

Why give a
bazooka to someone
who cannot aim 
a BB gun?

Did you know -
we go wrong
when we mistake
someone else's generosity
as them having
a personal weakness.

Why worry if
the chicken or
egg came first
when there are
bigger things at
debation like choosing 
between scrambled eggs 
or fried chicken?

I once wondered
if I had
maxed out my
potential, an existential 
crisis for the 
the type of
writer I desire
to be, driving
in the direction
I am currently 
heading, at a
pace that cannot
be timed with
a stopwatch but
only admired when
the watch stops,
and then it
happened one subconscious 
day and I 
haven't stopped since 
my eyes saw 
what it did, 
the wave washing 
over me as 
my restless soul 
was put at 
an easy easiness.

Can you be
obsessed with something
and still not
let it control
your hidden thoughts
and untapped emotions?

Who was the
first person to
say that someone 
was the 'spitting 
image' of something 
and why did
their analogy have
to be so
vial and unsanitary?

What helps time
as time helps
heal your wounds?

Suggestions? Please! Feel
free. Anyone? My
comment section is
patiently dying for 
your unadulterated feedback!
If your finger
taps are scared,
don't worry, mine
would be too!

Do trees worry
about littering leaves
on the ground?

Do bees and
wasps debate if
they are going
to sting something
before they actually
commit their act?

Can toothless beavers 
still find a
way to damn 
up creeks and 
streams or do
they lose their
sense of purpose?

Why do we
'agree to disagree'
when it is
so much easier
for us to
'disagree to disagree?'

Do you try 
to convince yourself
of all this
woke bullshit or 
are you already 
awake because, many
years ago, you
were tired of 
hitting the same
ole snooze button
that you had
already been hitting
for years and
years on end?

When was the
last time you
held hands with 
someone and enjoyed
the experience because
it was not
out of habit?

When was the
last time you
kissed someone and
still remembered what
they tasted like
days after that
one specific latch
and that certain 
memory sent electricity
throughout your body?

When was the
last time you
had sex or
made love and
was cut short
by the light
of day or
by the dark
of night, and
you wondered when
it would happen
exactly like it
just did, if
it ever would,
so you lied
to yourself by
saying it never
would, living a
life in constant 
discontent, when you
could have found
the right one
to be with
and transformed your
other worldly malfeasance
into a journey
that took you
and your body 
to a distant 
planet, an experience 
that it should 
have been compared
to every time
you decided to
hustle and sweat?

Is our species
really deserving of
inhabiting another planet?

Go ahead and
answer it truthfully.
You're not going
to hurt my
feelings, there, dear!
Mr. Handsome, you
follow up too!

Do weathermen, or
weatherwomen, wake up
and say to 
themselves, 'damn I
have to do 
another forecast today?'

Why do male
athletes slap each 
other's butt cheeks? 
Isn't there another
more subtle way 
to say, 'Great 
Job!' other than 
a firm slap 
to a tight,
muscular right cheek?
Then again, I
could be wrong!
Why steal all
their undisclosed fun?

Did you know
in the graphic 
novel slash movie, 
V for Vendetta, 
Doctor Delia Surridge 
admits,'Nuclear power 
is meaningless in 
a world where 
a virus can 
kill an entire 
population and leave 
its wealth intact.'?
Hmm, sounds ironic!

Do you wonder
anymore, about anything
of substantial substance,
or has it
been a while?
What's stopping you,
babycakes honey pie?

Have you ever
been in an
isolated desert town
in Arizona and
forgot to re-holster
the gas pump
handle and, after
paying, you proceeded
to drive the
rental car forward
and ripped the 
handle and hose
off, only to
get out of 
the car and 
place the handle 
back on the 
pump and drive 
off because you 
were only one
hundred miles into
a five hundred 
mile journey and
did not want
to be thrown
into a dry, 
red dirt hole 
prison in a 
local's back yard?

When was the
last time you
were in the
middle of a
place called nowhere
and found something
you were actually
in search of? 

If trees are 
shade for us,
are clouds trees
for trees when
it passes in
front of the
sun and gives
them shade for
a little while?

I have a 
question worth asking -
what's up with 
the oranges lately?
They've been sucky!

If you cannot
read a clock,
digital or analog,
does time really
matter to you?

Why do some 
people have to
put sixteen different
levels of intense
spice into their 
food, nuke their
palate and tastebuds
for the next
three weeks, and 
pretend that shit 
is delicious when
they cannot even 
taste the food
in the first
place because it's
like you're devouring
a dragon's butthole?

I'm not a 
big fan of
extreme amounts of
ambiguity, so I

The next time
someone says 'if
a tree falls
in the forest, 
does it still 
make a sound
if no one
is around to
hear it', ask
them, 'if I 
punch you in 
your left eyeball 
with my eyes 
closed and I 
did not see 
me do it, did 
it still happen 
and did it 
positively affect you?'

Why is it
that a baby
can drink milk
while lying parallel,
while being rocked
at seven thousand
rpm, and I 
can barely throat
down three sips
of water while
standing straight up,
without even moving,
without waterboarding myself?

If you hear
a person say, 
'I'm right, even 
when I'm wrong' -
realize that person
is an idiot,
so it would
probably do your
spirit well to
silently walk away 
from that individual 
if it is
a man and
politely run away 
if that person 
happens to be 
a pretentious woman.

Every time we
see someone on
a moped we
automatically assume they
have a DUI
and I think 
it's unfair to
subjectively judge a 
moped like that!

Why is it
that every concert
I've gone to, 
whether general admission
or sectioned seating,
the same ten
foot tall bushy 
headed asshole shows 
up and is 
three rows ahead 
of me and
vapes more smoke
than the stage's
fog machine and 
obstructs my legendary 
view, as well 
as my photographs 
and video recordings 
for my personal 
concert history book?

Why is it
that pickles and
mayonaise suck no
matter what you 
do with them?
I mean, let's 
be honest! No 
matter what you 
do with those
two ingredients, they 
blow, and in 
a not so 
enjoyable way whatsoever.

Have you ever
lived in a
world where
one plus one
equals zero? Well,
something tells me
you might have
or currently are. 

Have you ever
homemade deep fried,
bisexual egg rolls,
the kind of
egg rolls that
do not discriminate?

Did you know
that in Indiana
Jones, Temple of
Doom, Harrison Ford's
confidant at the
beginning of the
movie, who is 
immediately shot, is
named Wu Han?
Hmm. Wait! What?

Are signs there
if we fail
to look for
or at them?
Do they still 
exist no matter
where our mindset 
is at or
do they rely
on our perception 
as we rely
on how clear 
their obscurity appears
to the colored
nebulas of our
very own eyes?

Why do we 
find it so 
difficult to eat
cereal or ice
cream with a
spoon that we
have not labeled
as 'the spoon'?

Grammarly should be
illegal to help 
protect writers like 
me but, then 
again, why worry
with sweat beads
and fear when
there is endless
creativity for me
and others to 
churn and burn? 

Do you know
those birds that
wait in the 
road until your
car fastly approaches
at seventy MPH
and, when you
get exactly four
point seven millimeters 
from them, they
rapidly flap their
wings and take 
off - what is
their problem? Are 
they lagging or
are they just 
dumb ass birds 
disguised as birds?

They say that
the saddest word 
in the English
language is 'almost' 
and I say 
that is silly 
because the saddest
word in the
entire world is
the word 'sad'!

What makes a
kettle cooked chip
so damn delicious?

Why is it
that we wish 
for something for
so long and
when it finally 
gets here you
begin to question
yourself when you
really need to 
get on that
board and ride
that wave, son!

What came first,
the color orange
or the fruit
orange and how
will we ever
know the truth
and how much
money can we
waste in researching
the topic while 
failing to find
out another answer
to another meaningless
question in today's
gaping void that
we call life?

Do you know
of a drive
thru that never
gets your order
right but you
still go there
and complain when
they continue to
fuck up? That
drive thru is
definitely not Chick-Fil-A!
They get it 
right, no matter
how long the
line is. Always!

Do you know
of any politician
that you fully
trust without question?
Didn't think so!

I have yet
to vote in
an election! Want
to know why? 
When I find
a candidate I
trust, then I 
will mark my
imaginary box and
hide behind the
illusion that my
vote actually matters.

Whenever I eat
oatmeal in this
reality, my brain
immediately goes to
that scene in
The Matrix when
they are fixing
their breakfast aboard
their ship so
titled the Nebuchadnezzar.

They say purgatory
is the state
of those who 
die in God's
friendship and then
I immediately take
a step back 
from my life
and am like,
'wait a second!'

My favorite thing
about farmers planting
corn is when
they finally pick
that shit so
I do not
have to look
at it anymore!

There is a
two lane highway
where I live,
and I'd rather
drive a triple
black diamond, ten
lane interstate straight 
to the gates 
of Hell than
I would drive
this particular highway,
(Highway 70 for
those that are
locally affected by
this certain tragedy
of rolling roadblocks
and beach traffic).

When there is
a hand in
the cookie jar,
why are we
so concerned about
catching it? What
makes us so
bitter and jealous
about someone else 
getting away with
some gentle mischievousness?
You gotta learn 
to live people!

They say, 'can't
never could do 
anything', but if
can't could then
it wouldn't be 
doing its job
of cannot'ing, right?

If caucasian means 
of European descent, 
wouldn't the word 
need to be
something like cauceuropean?

Since we can
forge mail-in 
ballots and voter
registrations, can we
all agree to 
forge paying our
personal income taxes
for the next
decade or so?

Who was the
first person to
bake a potato
and what the 
hell was he,
or she, thinking 
when he, or
she, did it, 
you glorious sonuvabitch?
I'm pretty sure
it was a
man. Sorry, ladies!

If you were
paid what you
were actually worth,
would your company
be able to
afford your time?
If your answer
is what I 
think it is,
why do we
let them get
away with it?
Does slavery still 
exist in today's
modern age world?

You know when
you leave somewhere
and you say
out loud to
the people standing
around you, 'let's
blow this popsicle
stand'- how much
sense does that
actually make and
why so much 
hostility towards roadside 
refreshment centers that 
like to sell 
frozen goodness on 
little wooden sticks?

Why do we 
ask 'what time 
is it' when 
we know the 
answer is going 
to upset us?

Why is the
'Refuse to Sink'
logo an anchor?
Shouldn't it be
one of those
pool noodle thingys?
If I had
an anchor that
refused to sink,
I would not
use it and
and sell it
cheaper than I 
actually bought it!

Who is more 
dangerous - the person
with nothing to 
lose or the
person with something
to lose? The
real answer may
surprise you, darling!

I have a
nice air fryer.
What about you?

If you are
a girl, are
you still a 
sonuvabitch or are
you a daughterofabitch?

They say 'tit
for tat' is
used for equivalent
retaliation, but how
is that so?
Shouldn't we really 
be saying 'tit 
for tit' if
it's equal reciprocation?

I bet encyclopedia 
salesmen, or women,
have it tough
in today's world.

If you want 
to know if
you're going to 
make friends with 
someone and they're
not going to
drive your ass
crazy by the
end of the
week, let them 
control the radio 
for a short 
period of time.
If they play
a Phish or
Widespread Panic song
or any form
of country music
or any music 
with three or 
more guiar solos 
or any music
that requires you 
to be high 
as a kite 
to understand and
follow its derivative
meaning, I suggest
you walk away,
or stay, depending
on your current
state of mind
and if you 
have been dabbing
enough or not!

There's a good
possibility I drink
too much coffee.

That is all
for now. I 
have to go 
mow my yard.
Not manscape but
landscape the house's 
grass yard outside.

Bridge that gap,
boy or girl.

Bridge that gap!

You deserve it!   

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– Thanks for reading –

– Feel free to check out my podcast channel –

(podcast has been updated from vernonwrites to vernontalks)

Spotify, Apple, and Google podcast users : keyword search ‘vernontalks’

http://www.anchor.fm/vernontalks

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Here you go:

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