Was It A Dream?

In a reality that seemed like a dream, I hit the snooze button on the alarm and drifted away for a couple more hour long minutes. In a dream that seemed like a reality, I set the alarm, laid my head on my pillow, and transported to a place that had missed my absence.

Don’t get lost now!

My time in this place was simultaneously real and fake. If I would have kept my eyes open, all of it would have disappeared. If I blinked, I would have seen the best of both worlds merging into one. If I would have closed my eyes, all of it would have remained in place.

*Open, Blink, Close*

I awoke in a dream, a disguised reality, and kept myself grounded there. I molded it to my liking even though there was a conflict of interest because she was doing the same thing in reciprocation. If she inserted something into our environment, I re-adjusted it to fit my needs. If I placed a certain item into our periphery, she would re-craft it the way she liked.

We smiled at this selfish exchange of power. We had countermoves for everything we did, and I figured our dance was going to end in the middle of a messy bed, the same place where this fiasco had begun.

*Blink*

My dream became more and more believable with each step she took toward me. My reality became more blurred because I could hear her footsteps but not see where they were coming from. I was confused because, both worlds were so believable, I did not know which realm I was currently trapped in.

*Open*

Don’t get lost now!

Somewhere, someone turned off an alarm. I could feel the sensation of a person settling back down. I could hear the rustling of sheets and fluffing of a down comforter.

I could see tiny slithers of light caress the ceiling above me. The light wavered and dimmed. The beams emanated from between my blackout curtains, the cracks slightly opening then closing. I could feel the passing wind of some mechanical design even though the wind was nonexistent from where I was just a second ago.

Something strange was happening to me.

*Blink, Close*

Don’t get lost now!

*Blink, Open*

I felt like I needed to get up for work, but I knew there was a side mission that needed to be completed first. The grip of the place where dreams met reality became more open because that is where our sexy sorcery truly existed. That is where the true war of where I needed to be was being waged.

*Blink*

The coming to versus the drifting off.

*Close*

When dealing with her, I have learned that a ghost cannot haunt you unless you let it, yet what happens when that same ghost lives inside you and is only released when you are unaware of it, whether your eyes are open or shut?

What happens when you catch your ghost wandering about?

*Blink*

What happens when your ghost catches you wandering about?

*Open*

I lose myself in the limbo that I constantly find myself cemented in. I open my eyes and rub them until I see passing dots. My surroundings seem blurred until I start to regain my focus.

*Blink*

My muscles ache. My throat is dry. My breath smells sour. My jaws are sore. The pull of Earth’s gravity affects me as I try to regain my consciousness.

*Close*

Do not get lost now!

*Blink*

You know when you preheat the oven and it feels like you wait three days for it to get to the desired temperature setting and you lose track of time and then you forgot you were preheating the oven in the first place then you remember it was turned on when you walk past it and can feel the heat then you instantly remember you lost track of time and the oven beeps and it’s time to start baking?

*Open*

In my woke dreams and sleepy realities, that is what it is like waiting for her to get close enough so I can finally touch her. She makes me wait, with longing purpose, because she knows that a slow second will slowly envelope into a magical minute and evaporate into a honest hour and she will reward my patience accordingly.

*Blink, Close*

Where will I end up if I choose to get lost?

*Blink*

Where will I end up if I stick to the ordinary?

*Open*

She puts lovingly sexy notes in my lunchbox for me. She prepares me a sandwich and puts it inside a little plastic baggie along with a paper towel. There are pictures of us everywhere to remind me of what currently exists.

I kiss her forehead before I leave because it could be the last time my lips touch her skin. I rub her back before I get out of bed because she enjoys and deserves it. I watch her sleep because sometimes I really do not know if I’m truly awake or not.

*Blink*

How do we ever really know?

*Close*

One night, she stood in front of me and did not say a word. One night, she was completely selfish and had her way with me. One night, I made a joke and she ignored me and shunned my advances. One night, she seemed in distress. One night, she seemed melancholic. One night, she texted me and I ignored it. One night, I called her over to my house.

*Blink, Open*

My bed stays disheveled.

Do not get lost now!

*Blink, Close*

One night, I saw her kiss another man, an ex-lover. One night, I felt her die and was forced to live with her absence. One night, I was a hitman sent to protect her from a gang of assassins. One night, I looked for her everywhere and she was nowhere to be found. One night, we dodged Velociraptors in Food Lion while vampires hung from the ceiling.

One day, it was just quiet darkness.

*Blink*

One night, it was just bright loudness.

*Open*

A thirty minute nap is a quick visit that can last for days.

*Blink, Close*

I begin to wonder, if me and her act like this, then what are our shadows doing in the meantime?

Then, I begin to realize, our shadows are our chained prisoners, constantly shackled to our ankles even if light does not exist.

Then, I begin to think, are we merely shadows of something more than what we think ourselves to be?

Then, I begin to believe, what happens if we are just the shadow of another shadow? Then what? What happens if we are someone else’s prisoner and we have not realized it until that one moment presents itself?

Then, I begin to understand, our salvation may lie in the living subconscious, but our true test is in the dying conscious.

*Blink*

So does that mean our existence lies somewhere in the in-between?

*Open*

You wake up. You work. You live. You eat. You release fluids and waste. You hang out with family and friends. You love. You think. You laugh. You scroll. You dislike. You hate. You listen. You feel. You taste. You get tired. You cope. You shower. You eat again. You watch television or look at your screens. You lay down.

Your eyes get tired.

*Blink, Close*

Then…

you…

…disappear here…

Do not get lost now!

…reappear there…

…then

…you

*Blink, Open*

wake up. Work. Live. Eat. Release. Love. Think. Laugh. Scroll. Dislike. Hate. Listen. Feel. Taste. Cope. Shower. Eat. Watch. Look. Lie down. Eyes get tired. They finally shut. You open them. You realize you are at the place where you left off, like pushing start on a game console controller when you need a break or are ready to continue the adventure.

*Blink, blink, blink*

Am I awake or still sleeping?

Don’t get lost now!

*Blink, Blink, Blink*

This one time, last week as a matter of fact, I remember it. I left work for the day, came home, and showered. Me and her attended a small caliber party.

The entire night, she made me feel like a piñata filled with the best candy around and she was the blindfolded person holding the stick. The only way for her to get what was inside of me was to physically beat me until I finally released my goods so she could rush to the ground and get as much of me into her hands before everyone else and that is exactly what she did.

Whenever we made it back home, she turned me into her living metaphor.

I immediately set my alarm so it could be my guide.

*Close*

When I shut my eyes and drift or open them and blink, I realize I would not be so whatever about her if she were not the girl that missed on the first twenty swings, stepped back from me, cheated by slightly pulling down her blindfold over one eye, gauging where I’m currently dangling, her pulling the blindfold back up, smiling, then taking a swing that would launch a baseball’s baseballs across two continents.

My alarm goes off.

*Open, Blink, Open*

I never went to sleep.

*Close, Blink, Close*

Or did I?

Don’t get lost now!

*Blink, Open*

I pushed the snooze button. The timer started counting down from five minutes as I moved from my side and onto my back. I rubbed my eyes. My body jerked as though I had just jumped off a skyscraper. I felt like I was about to collide with the ground below me.

The first step is the hardest to take. Right?

*Blink, Close*

Where am I?

Don’t get lost now!

She was there. I was there. The things that turned us on were there. I still try to make sense of it. The key is to not get wrapped up in the details or attached to the things that are meant to pass you by. The past, present, and future tense does not matter here.

The now does.

*Blink, Open, Blink, Close*

My dreaming moments span over numerous days even though it seemed like an eternity even though it was only a couple of minutes. I know this because the mirror in front of me contradicted the clock I was looking at and the timer that I had set.

She was wearing a dress that turned into a nightie that turned into a slim cut bikini that turned into tight yoga pants that turned into transparency. I was wearing a three piece black suit that turned into pajama pants that turned into board shorts that turned into boxer briefs that turned into clear nakedness.

*Blink, Open*

She told me to quit shaking the bed but I realized the sun was still poking through the blinds and my glasses and night guard was still on my nightstand. My feet were frigid. When I pressed them against her warm flesh, she chastised me and said they felt like icebergs. She wanted to lay her head on my chest, but I looked at her in a weird way.

*Blink*

I rubbed my forehead.

*Close*

Don’t get lost now!

We walked into a room that was dark one minute then light the next. The bed that was centered in it was unmade and messy like fresh morning bedhead. Our bodily indentions were still there. The comforter was rippled. The pillows were folded over. The room smelled of lavender and eucalyptus.

*Blink, Open*

I could hear a rumbling, a vibration. I found myself looking around. She touched both of my cheeks and re-grounded me by staring into my eyes. I acted confused because I felt like I had to be somewhere due to time constraints. She told me to set the timer on the t.v. so it would not stay on all night.

*Blink, Close*

The place where I currently was, or were, or is, had no demands even though my mind wanted to follow its conditioned behavior.

*Blink, Open*

I checked my phone to see if my alarm had gone off yet. I had six minutes until it did so.

*Blink*

She looked at me, smiled, and said, “it’s okay.”

I replied, “how do you know?”

She slowly brought her face to mine, kissed the patch of skin near my lips, and replied before pushing me,

“because you’re here next to me!”

*Close*

I could hear a clock ticking. I saw her smiling, playing with her hair.

Don’t get lost now!

All of a sudden, the electricity went out, and everything became deathly quiet.

*Blink, Open*

Nothing could be heard, not even a peep’s peep, except for a low humming coming from my inner ear canal. My right kneecap was sore. I felt like I had climbed up and down a thousand ladders.

*Blink, Close*

I walked to my bathroom sink and rinsed my face. I don’t remember aging like I had even though I still looked the same as I did twenty years ago. Something seemed off.

*Blink, Open*

I slipped on my pajama pants and bedroom slippers, felt my side of the bed, and it was on fire. I looked at her and her half naked body hanging out of the sheets like a thunder struck romantic who just had a private rendezvous with her secret lover for hours on end. I was debating walking to the kitchen to drink a cup of coffee and prep a hearty breakfast before having to go to work.

*Blink, Close*

I felt a jolt.

*Blink, Open*

Her hand wrapped around my wrist like an octopus tentacle wrapping around its prey. The saturation of her skin gleamed in the early morning light, and the contrast of her body was asking for me to tamper with its shadow, brightness, and exposure.

Do not get lost now!

She kissed my wrist, pulled me back into the bed, and helped me unclothe so she could lay her head on my chest for what seemed like the thousandth time that week.

*Blink*

She asked, “where do you think you are going?”

I smiled at her and chuckled.

“I need to get ready for work and get a move on. I don’t want to be late!”

She smiled at me and giggled.

“You’re silly. You know that?”

*Close*

Don’t get lost now!

I felt confused when I looked at her, lost in limbo. Something about her seemed dishonest. Her hair swarmed me like a barber’s floor after a full day of cutting hair and not sweeping it up after each appointment. I kissed the top of her head and something felt unfamiliarly familiar.

*Blink, Open*

I asked, “why do you say that?”

*Blink*

She kissed my left pectoral muscle and ran her fingers through my thin chest hairs.

“Because it’s Saturday, silly. You do not have to be anywhere today except here, next to me!”

*Close*

Do not get lost now!

*Blink*

Was I lying to myself about believing the truth or was I too honest with myself to want to get lost in a lie? I felt like I had lived this moment before somewhere else and I was waiting to wake up in it. I felt like a stranger in my own body even though my surroundings and everything in it felt like home.

*Open*

I questioned her with, “are you sure?”

*Blink*

I felt magnetism emit from her body as her sharp toenails scraped the sides of my legs. The electricity came back on. The air conditioner started pumping cold air back into the stillness. The floor and ceiling fan came back on. I thought I heard an alarm echoing from somewhere. It was not coming from the phone that lay on my bedside table.

*Close*

Do not get lost now!

*Blink, Open*

The moment was perfect. I asked the million dollar question and was followed with a billion dollar answer. She looked at me like I was acting crazy.

*Blink, Close, Blink, Open*

Don’t get lost now!

I asked, “am I still dreaming?”

She looked at me, lightly grabbed my cheeks, and kicked her left leg over my abdomen. Her right hand disappeared underneath the covers. She smelled like Raspberry Pomegranate. Her skin felt moist like the cool water that beads off a nicely tanned body as it rinses itself off at a public beach access. She tasted like the first sip of ice chilled water when the first stages of dehydration begin to kick in.

*Blink, Close, Blink, Open, Blink, Close*

She smiled before she rolled over on top of me.

*Blink, Open, Blink, Close, Blink, Open*

“Do you think you are still dreaming?”

I rubbed my hands over her shoulders and pulled her down on top of me. My chest met her chest. I could feel her breasts brushing against my chest hairs.

*Blink, Close*

Don’t get lost now!

*Blink, Open*

My alarm went off beside my bed and I hit the snooze button. Somewhere else, someone set their alarm and laid their head on a pillow.

I replied, “I don’t think I know anymore!”

*Blink*

She giggled, bit my neck until it hurt, and brought her open mouth to mine to exchange a couple of breaths before replying,

“something tells me you do!”

*Close, Blink*

I blinked my eyes and she disappeared. I kept them open and she haunted me. I closed them and could feel the weight of her shadow on top of me. I felt confused for another infinite time in my life and did not know what else to do. I replied the best way I knew how and I knew she was going to do the same.

*Open*

“What if I do not know anymore?”

She smiled and saddled her pelvis onto mine. She was going to sharpen my knife like a blacksmith holding a blade to a revolving millstone.

“Well,”

she tightened her bodily grip on me,

“isn’t that the point?”

*Blink, Close*

Don’t get lost now!

*Blink, Open*

Then, it finally hit me as to what was truly going on despite my eyes. I received my answer to determine if I was dreaming or not, the shadowy truth to contradict if she was real or not.

*Blink, Close*

Do not get lost now!

*Blink, Open*

I was able to mutter three words before she covered my mouth with her smooth open palm.

“Wait! You are…”

I already told you at the beginning of my narrated confession about what I was dealing with. My time in this place was simultaneously real and fake. If I would have kept my eyes open, all of it would have disappeared. If I blinked, I would have seen the best of both worlds merging into one. If I would have closed my eyes, all of it would have remained in place.

As she pinned me down and kept my mouth covered like a duct taped hostage in the trunk of a lukewarm car, there was only one thing that I could do.

*…Blink…*

** ** ** ** ** **

Feel Free to Read these free, past blog posts!

The Fiction and Poetry will be part of a book of short stories I will hopefully get to publish one day.

Enjoy!

*…blink…*

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