What am I doing here?
Seriously! What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
Seriously! What are you doing here?
Has my life led me to being a so-called, quote on quote, writer so all my hard fought words can sit on a page and wither away with other people’s writings? An endless void of black lettered, white sheets being churned into a fiery furnace and the ashes being grated like fresh cheese and blown into the air like a morning mist.
Even if it does not involve writing, how many of you feel like your best efforts are recycled away and sent in between the gaps of what you want and how it really turned out, in between the gaps of a world that would rather focus on sensationalism, pessimism, and controversy, in between the gaps of a world that would rather ignore true inner beauty and glamorize fake outer vanity.
There is so much good art, worthy art, art that is worth our time, being produced right now. There are so many creative minds, so many fresh faces, so many hard workers, so many beautiful souls, so many people putting their own self out there, on their own dime at that, and hanging out on a limb so others will not have to do it alone.
But we are not worried about looking up anymore. Are we?
Where we used to dream about flying in the clouds, we’ve become content with sitting on rooftops.
Cooing amidst all the ground level traffic and chatter.
My life used to have more questions than answers. One by one, I picked the interrogatives out, gathered my evidence, searched out my clues, and found a way to put a period or exclamation point at the end of those questioned marked sentences.
Now, it seems as though there are more answers than questions.
Something has happened.
How did it happen?
Something is not quite adding up.
Addition by subtraction?
Sounds right, considering the times!
I tell other people,
“it’s funny how far you’ve come in life and how little faith you continue to have, considering,”
and, in a day or two or a week or two, I find myself thinking the same exact way the other person felt. I let the doubting feelings and associated contradicting emotions creep in. I let it eat away at my light and positivity. I lose my sense of composed clarity. My brain turns on my heart turns on my soul turns on my body turns on my perception turns on the very fabric of my reality and that which is aligning so I can manifest into who I was always destined to be.
Or maybe I’m already there and that is that?
How long is too long (in a dream becoming a reality scenario – not, well – you know!)?
How long is not enough long (again, in a dream becoming a reality scenario – not, well – you know!)?
When is giving up considered a hindsight’ed victory so you can move on to bigger and better things?
Do you catch yourself staring at the clouds? Closing your eyes while standing in the breeze? Standing under a hot shower and leaning your head against the shower wall? Looking into the mirror and asking yourself, where the hell did I go wrong? Observing people in the their natural habitat and studying their behavior, whether it be positive, negative, or a mixture of both. Riding home with the windows cracked and the radio turned off?
I do not think where the hell did I go wrong as much as I think, where the hell did I go right?
The past couple years of my life has exceeded my expectations of where I thought I would ever be, even though I must reground myself and see that my daily blessings have always existed and were constantly there. Maybe it was my own inner stubbornness that I was wearing for sunglasses instead of my Ray Ban Wayfarers. Maybe my path is changing, constantly, and there are many roads that all of us can take to certain destinations.
Maybe we must lose perceptive direction in order to find it.
Maybe the quote on quote breaking point is where we truly find what we are capable of?
Maybe the breaking point is what separates dreamers from believers or vice se versa?
Looking back over the past days, the past weeks, the past months, or the past year, do you have more questions than answers or is it the other way around? Are you more enlightened than you were a year ago? Do you follow every televised trend or do you set your own? When the bandwagon rolls through your town every other day, do you board it immediately or do you gather your own facts, thoughts, feelings, and emotions, then decide whether it is a journey that you even want to take?
As of right now, at this very moment, I have never been so certain and uncertain of myself, and I’m okay with that. I do not mind tirelessly climbing the mountain because I already know the view that awaits me at the top. I do not mind the valleys because that is where the water flows and hydrates me, hydrates you, for your long awaited uphill journey. I do no mind the rocky, loose gravel incline because that lets me know that I am climbing and not remaining flat footed.
So, instead of me dragging this one particular post on and on with viable learning lessons and witty sayings and flowing development, I want you to have the last word for once. You deserve that, considering. I mean, who am I except another soul trying to be something in the nothing and metaphorically insert my art into the most demanding places know to man and woman?
Who am I?
Who are you?
I implore you to have the last word in this conversation!
Me – “do you have more questions or answers?”
– I have started a podcast channel –
Link provided below : Check it out!
Southern Shadows Gothic – vernonwrites – "going to the edge and back, one word at a time."
– Feel free to check out my most recent blog writings –